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Been a crazy hectic week. I want a job more than ever. The freelance… - XIANANIGANS [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Sunday, May 5th, 2013, 10:09 pm]
Been a crazy hectic week. I want a job more than ever. The freelance thing is stressful even when it's going well. Planning my day every day is fun, but also tiring, and so is trying to keep up with so many people in such an unstructured environment.

Today I made it out to Squamish for the first time this year. I went with Nissan and a friend of his, Lachlan, from the outdoor club, a really strong climber who happily set up top-ropes for us all day (after he'd got a chance on a 5.11d on his to-do list). The weather was beautiful, and the geography up there only gets more meaningful for me the more time I spend there. The Tantalus range and other alpine mountains spreading out in the distance, still flooded with snow and glittering in the sunlight, and the climbing cliffs closer, a little hazy, brown and somehow brooding and friendly at the same time. And that pale green of the scrubby brush that you find everywhere here. Nature makes me sentimental now - it never used to.

On that topic, I visited the Vancouver Aquarium for the first time last week with my brother, and discovered that they had a tropical rainforest section. When I walked in I felt inexplicably and overwhelming like I had been transported back home. It wasn't just that it was warm and humid - it was warm and humid in exactly the right way. And it smelled right, and the soil was just the right shade of brown, the leaves the right shade of green. Even the little exhibits felt like home, the way they were presented. I couldn't put my finger on it. But I felt instantly comforted and homesick, simultaneously.

Back to Squamish. We drove up to Chek, which I think of as my climbing home. We started off at Forgotten Wall, literally right next to the parking lot, which I'd discovered last year with Geoff. It has harder climbs on it and I'm a wuss, but I think I'm ready to push myself. We started right off with a 10a. Usually I warm up on something a couple grades easier, but I just went for it. I don't think 10a is too hard to do cold, actually. I just like to coddle myself.

Anyway. Long, boring climbing story short - did lots of climbs, almost all 10s and over. One 8 that was sort of sketchy and felt like a 10 in places. I'm feeling like I pushed myself and I feel both humbled and confident. I haven't been outdoors in over a year, and last year I only got in about a week or two of climbing before I hurt my ankle. So I felt like a beginner, and the rock was just a bewildering array of STUFF, and I had a lot of trouble figuring out what might be holds - but I felt myself improving and was encouraged.

Long, tiring, beautiful, relaxing day. We climbed in mostly a companionable silence, just how I like it. I want to go climbing with Nissan more often, but he wants a partner that climbs harder grades. So maybe I'd better buck up! The only way to improve is just to climb more.

I also want to start biking more, build up more endurance. Good thing there is a nice hilly bike route right by my place! I think I'm going to rearrange my schedule so I work early morning and evening and can take advantage of nice weather to bike and go to the beach and climb and do other fun stuff.

I saw Joe last weekend. Long story short, I went to the work less party party, stuff happened, I called him to pick me up, and more stuff happened. We shared a weird and intense and amazing and confusing experience, left on good terms, and later chatted on the phone. We haven't really been in touch - although we got chatty on text last night - but we have lunch plans for Tuesday and I'm looking forward to it and also feeling nervous and a little scared.

Life is getting so so full. I need to learn how to prioritise. And come to terms with missing out on some things.